Apr 9 2011
March is over and with it so too are all the upsets associated with college basketball. Well here at FloppingOut we love upsets not only in regards to games, but UPSET Athlete’s wives.
Without further ado here are the…
Top 10 Upset Wives
- Jose what the eff are you doing with a 44-year old kook like her? You’re 22-years old and an up and coming star in the MLB. You can bang anything you want, trannies included (Ronaldo).
- Why the hell would you steal a baby, why don’t you just ask New York Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie? He has like 8 of them, and can’t remember their names or birthdays. I’m sure he’d GLADLY let you take one off his hands, especially during the lockout.
Hamilton County Sheriff Doug Carter told News 8 that Harper’s wife Danielle stabbed him in the knee with a knife during a domestic dispute in their Hamilton County home, the night before the 2006 AFC Divisional Game vs. the Pittsburgh Steelers. Danielle, you’s a crazy bitch (Kanye voice).
While this particular story doesn’t have a tragic ending, that much violence, any verbal assaults, or even any courtroom cases, it’s just some great Wifey drama.
Anna Benson grew up daughter of strict Southern-Baptist parents, and grew up dirt poor. She told the media that just before she married MLB pitcher Kris Benson she had “two pair of panties, and one bra” to her name. Enter Kris, and Boom she marries into millions and is instantly a stage 5 clinger. Anna would follow Kris around EVERYWHERE and by everywhere that is EVERYWHERE.
When Kris was traded to the New York Mets, Anna followed him to the team’s spring training facility and every bathroom in Shea. She would also stay with Kris in a local house by the stadium so that she knew his every move.
The best part of this story came when Anna appeared on the creepiest radio show known to man, and NO we’re not talking about FLOPPINGOUT RADIO, we’re talking about Howard Stern. Anna told Howard back in 2005 that if she ever found out that Kris was cheating on her she would “sleep with the entire Mets organization.” When asked about the comment Anna said, “I said it because it’s like the ultimate punishment for cheating.”
Anna and Kris have 3 kids together, and dating back to 2009 Anna would file for divorce, only to rescind the papers a few days later. I know she’s bangin’ and all that, but she better be the best thing in bed since sliced bread to put up with a crazy biatch like that. Godspeed Kris.
“My husband made Tiger Woods look like a saint. I’ve seen everything they’ve said on him, and he makes Tiger Woods look like a saint.”
“John wasn’t like beating me all the time, and I wasn’t beating him up either,” said Sherrie Daly. “I punched him out once.”
Their relationship has been in the spotlight whether dim or not since day uno. Kobe married Vanessa when she was only 19 (he was 23) at the disapproval of Bryant’s parents. Fast-forward 2 years to Kobe’s rape allegation in Eagle, Colorado: Kobe was in Colorado at a Spa resort where he was set to have knee surgery when he met a hotel employee named Katelyn Faber. Faber would later accuse Bryant of rape to which Kobe denied (used the ole’ consensual card). As you probably know Faber would never testify and the case was dropped in 2004.
Charges behind him, Bryant would try to buy his wife Vanessa’s trust back by purchasing her an 8-carat purple diamond ring worth about $4 million. Good Idea! But the rap victim had an even better idea: rap about the man who you claim rapped you. Check out Katelyn rap about Kobe raping her along with some IN DEPTH details…[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQbB2VTLshY[/youtube]
The story gets better. So in 2008 at a Laker game in LA, Vanessa confronted ESPN.com’s Laker reporter, Laura Lane. Take a look at what Lane said went down that night:
So as I’m walking out of the Lakers locker room after some post-game interviews with the players, I pass Vanessa, who is sitting outside the locker room as usual with her two girls. “Laura!” she screams (yes, she apparently knows my name). “Fuck you! You fucking bitch!” “Excuse me?” I say, completely baffled as I look around me to see if there is someone else named Laura. No, there’s not. Her daughters – ages 5 and 2 – are sitting next to her on the bench looking at their mom as she screams. [More f-words ensue. Many more.] I just stare at her. I’ve heard many stories about her from reporters, but this was unbelievable. Two of my friends from the LA Times told me how she cussed out one of them last season, because he said hi to her daughter. “Join the club, this means you’ve arrived,” said one reporter when word spread of my run-in with Vanessa. “She’s insane,” said another. “Everyone knows it.”
Vanessa didn’t stop the beef there, she then went after our girl Khloe Kardashian (yes the least famous of the talentless trio) wife of Laker Lamar Odom. According to an insider Vanessa Bryant “hates” Khloe and her entire family, whom she sees as attention-grabbing fame-seekers. And instead of hiding her feelings, Vanessa refuses to have anything to do with the 26-year-old. “She won’t sit anywhere near Khloe at Lakers games.” More so, Vanessa makes sure that Khloe is shut out of the tight-knit circle the other Lakers’ wives have formed. “At a dinner for the wives, Vanessa didn’t want to invite Khloe,” the insider shares. “She said Khloe is a ‘fake wife,’ and she didn’t want fake wives there.” Vanessa you ARE ONE UPSET WIFEY and I hope one day I see you, Laura Lane, and one of the Kardashian sisters duke it out (in the nude of course). Ding Ding Ding. Oh Dinner Time…
4. Joumana Kidd VS Jason Kidd
Joumana Kidd is way too sexy and nice to be treated like this. Back in 2007 Joumana filed a lawsuit accusing JKidd of ‘years of physical abuse’ and serial adultery. According to Kidd’s ex-wife, Jason cheated on her since the two got married in 1997, and would beat her regularly. Joumana portrayed Kidd, 33, as a sadistic binge drinker and excessive gambler. She claims that Kidd assaulted her while she was pregnant with the couple’s first child and has struck her with everything from a large rock to a cookie. Once, after Kidd kicked her in the stomach causing blood to appear in her urine, Joumana alleges that he told her, ‘I don’t give a f–k.’
Whatttt, either Kidd is a grade A dirt bag or Joumana is a kick-ass actress playing the role of a battered wife looking for some loot. Either way, she is very UPSET and rightfully so.
3. Jean Strahan VS Michael Strahan
Jean Strahan is one kooky wife. First she accused the All-Pro Defensive Player of being gay. Then she said he would wine and dine mistresses every week. Make up your damn mind….psycho. It started in court when she accused Strahan of having an extramarital affair with another man, TV doctor Ian Smith. Oh no, another DOWN LOW Brotha?
“Michael moved into Ian’s one-bedroom apartment,” Jean Strahan said, according to the Daily News. “And you can say an alternative lifestyle sprouted.”
THAT’S NOT ALL. Back in 2007 Jean would hold a “everything must go” yard sale at the couples’ Montclair New York home. Things for sale: everything belonging to Strahan. From his tv’s, golf clubs, bronze football statues, handmade rugs, antiques and a set of cassette tapes on how to make relationships survive.
Maybe Jean is right about Strahan and him liking it on the other side, or she might be just pissed about being butt and getting no attention. Either way girl, get your story straight: Is he Gay or not?
2. Elin Nordegren and Tiger Woods
Elin Nordegren, Tiger’s former wife was one upset biatch and rightfully so. According to the National Enquirer, TIGER WOODS slept with 121 WOMEN. IMPRESSIVE. Not only has Elin taken tons of money from Tiger, but she forced the superstar to enter sex rehab, and Tiger’s game has never been the same since both, on and off the green.
I’m guessing number 121 was the last straw! Reports say that on Thanksgiving Night back in 2009, Tiger and Elin got into a huge fight and Tiger would hop into his SUV. It all went down hill from there. Tiger, in a hurry to bounce from the fuming Sweed, backed his Cadillac Escalade into a huge tree in the families’ front yard and banged Tiger up pretty good. The one-time Swedish model grabbed a golf club, smashed out the rear window of the SUV and then apparently helped Woods out of the wreck. We at FloppingOut don’t believe that for one second. I mean she attacks him with a 5 iron and then helps him out? Once 121 was “WHAM BAM THANK YOU MAM” Elin was ready to Wham Bam some Woods. Elin you are ONE UPSET WIFE…hope that 500 Mil cheers you up.
1. Tawny Kitaen VS Chuck Finley
This story is one you don’t see everyday: a wife who consistently beats the crap out of her husband. Tawny Kitaen not only beat the piss out of former Cleveland Indian and California Angel (throwback) pitcher Chuck Finley, but she was also on VH1′s Celebrity Rehab Dr. DREW. Now, if you need to consult with Dr. Drew you know you are one crazy biatch.
Publicly the beating’s started in 2002 when a story surfaced that while driving, Kitaen and Chuck began arguing, and Kitaen proceeded to kick Finley with her high-heeled shoes.
“She kicked him in the thigh, in the leg, in the arm, she grabbed his ear and twisted it, At one point, her high-heel shoe was on top of his foot pressing the accelerator to the ground.”
She would eventually spend a day in jail, and was released shortly after. But the beat downs continued. Must have been rough Finley. Imagine being a grown ass man in a locker-room full of jocks, and telling them you got beat up by your wife. Ouch.
Now onto Celebrity Rehab. To be on this show you have to be almost as cracked out as Tyrone Biggums.
Check out Tawny’s list of addictions, and her rap sheet as long as Orenthal James Simpson’s.
- Tawny admitted she was addicted to prescription pills for migraines and depression. Right (Dr. Evil voice). She was arrested in 2006 for drug possession after the police searched her home and found 15 grams of cocaine. She then underwent a six-month rehabilitation program to have the drug possession charges dropped. She then admitted she has an extreme insomniac and has become addicted to a dangerous cocktail of prescription drugs to help her sleep (Right).
Damn girl, hope this show actually helps you because you’ve officially hit ROCK BOTTOM. Or some very floppy person should give you the people’s elbow and put you to rest. Regardless you ARE ONE UPSET WIFE.
In closing, we here at FloppingOut do not condone Domestic Abuse, Kidnapping, Attempted Murder, Assault, Assault with a Deadly Weapon, Murder, Sexual Assault, Adultery, or any other crazy shit. But when it’s not happening to you, and happening to these multi-million dollar schmidiots, goddammit it’s hilarious.