Aug 30 2011
Newly acquired Panthers Tight end and THUG Jeremy Shockey saved Ben Hartsocks life, after fatty Hartsock “had a piece of pork tenderloin stuck in his throat during lunch on Monday” [National Football Post]. HAHA. You know you are a fatty when you just can’t wait for that food to go down, so you don’t even bother chewing.
Hartsock’s agent (don’t know why Ben needs an agent) Mike McCartney told Brad Biggs of National Football Post that at first Hartsock tried to drink some water to put the pork down, but when the fatty found out he chewed more than he could handle… Hartsock went for the bathroom…
“He started to go to the bathroom and I don’t know if he collapsed, but he couldn’t breathe,” McCartney said. “Some new guy came and tried to give him the Heimlich. It didn’t work. Then, Shockey hit him in the back pretty hard and out came the meat. The Panthers told me it was really scary.”
Shockey was probably all pissed off like…”what the fuck is this fatty doing” and went over to take care business…
“Ben told me Shockey came over and gave me the Heimlich Maneuver and saved my life. He was in good spirits and he’s real thankful for Shockey, said agent McCartney.
Hartsock who would have just as many catches in his career with or without Shockey’s help, is lucky the Panthers were dumb enough to acquire Shockey this offseason. And lucky that Shockey didn’t kill himself at a ’09 Rehab party in Vegas. In all the Panthers find this story just as funny as I do, as the new slogan for Harsock in practice is “Don’t Choke, Hartsock.” [NFP]